trucking along...

So things have continued to be a little hard for me lately. I'm not sure what it is, exactly. But I just get so burnt out by caring for the girls all the time and I just feel like I need a break. Like this Saturday- I got up early with them, and by about 10am, I was just so fed up of dealing with one of them crying and fussing all the time. It was so mentally and physically exhausting. And Caroline, in the background, whining for another show and not being able to entertain herself without the TV on. AGH! It is just so hard. I think the girls are going through a particularly fussy stage. And I am getting incredibly frustrated by the fact that I seem to not be able to make enough milk for them. And they're having a hard time breastfeeding as well- refusing and wanting a bottle a lot of the time. I just get so mad that all the things I'm doing to get more milk to come in (special tea and herbs, hydrating, pumping more often, etc.) isn't doing much of anything.

Sometimes I just feel like I can't do it anymore. Mike and my mom think maybe I'm having post-partum depression. I don't think so, since it isn't a sustained thing- it really comes and goes. A lot of the time I love being with them and I'm really happy. And then they'll just be so cranky and all I want to do is go hide and sleep or read a book or just be by myself. Never by myself anymore. Ever. Well, actually, I was alone a bit today. I had to drive to Chicago and back for work today to interview a candidate to be my boss' new assistant. It was so great to just get away from it all and be alone for a while. Even if I was driving for 6 hours.

I think I just need to ask for help when I need it and remember to take a break. It makes a big difference just getting away for a few minutes. We will make it through. Somehow.